Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
