Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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