I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
