im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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