There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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