I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
