I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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