i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize