hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
