Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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