It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
