I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
