so explain again why im purple
no
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
