So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
