When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
