she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
