I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am naked and annoyed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
