You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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