Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
