guys are not supposed to queef...right?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
