he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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