My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
