and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
