I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
