apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
