The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my poor anus
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
