He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
