I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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