So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize