Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
