...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
