My nipple is on Facebook.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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