I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
