The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize