it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
