I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize