he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
