you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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