I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
