he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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