i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
