Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
