My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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