Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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