I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
