No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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