well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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