well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
