What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
