just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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