my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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