At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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