even my farts smell like vagina
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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