yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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