She is in my trunk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just pee around me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
