don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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