yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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