I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
