So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
