i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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