Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
