this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize