also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
