Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
