There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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