so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
