I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
