my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
