Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
