I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So here I am, sexting at work.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
