so that wasnt chicken after all
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
