He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
