You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
