and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize