he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
