Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
