that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
