As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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