dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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