i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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