Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize