I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
