A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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