Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got inside last night via doggy door
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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