I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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