My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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