We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
