I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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